


The Things You Do To Me (aka Tommy's Sex Toy Adventure)

by Zethsaire



Category: Marvel (Comics), Marvel 616, Young Avengers
Genre: Alien Biology, Alien Cultural Differences, Alien Sex, Aliens, Domestic, M/M, Slice of Life, Tentacle Sex, Xeno, Xenophilia, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-28
Updated: 2014-12-28
Packaged: 2018-03-03 22:42:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2890694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zethsaire/pseuds/Zethsaire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes Tommy forgets that Noh-Varr is an alien.  And other times, it's really hard to forget.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Things You Do To Me (aka Tommy's Sex Toy Adventure)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [DangerousCommieSubversive](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DangerousCommieSubversive/gifts).



> So I think I was pretty clear in the tags, but there is ALIEN SEX IN THIS FIC. Like. Probably the most xeno thing I've written. So if you're really not up for some kinda strange sex, then don't read it. 
> 
> Other than that, small warning for mentions of Tommy's back story - abuse is mentioned. Also language, because Tommy is a potty mouth.
> 
> Since this was a Christmas gift for my beta, it's self-beta'd! You can note me if you notice any glaring errors. :3

“I can't believe you shop for all this organic crap.” Tommy complained, kicking idly at the overly cheerful red wagon Noh-Varr was using to purchase produce at the farmer's market.

“You like all this organic crap,” Noh-Varr sniffed, “You like eating the food I make.”

“You really use all this stuff when you make food?”

“Why wouldn't I?”

“Because it's super – yuppy.” Tommy ignored the dirty look sent his way by a woman running an overpriced fruit stand.

“I don't know what that means.”

“It _means_ you're paying way too damn much for produce that's covered in dirt and bugs. Bleck.”

Noh-Varr looked at him seriously. “Tommy, I can digest dirt, even bugs. In fact, those chocolate covered ants you bought me as a 'gag gift' were particularly delicious.”

Tommy made a face.

“But the _things_ humans put in their bodies. I don't understand it. I can break down all natural poisons, I can eat _anything_ carbon based. But the chemicals and preservatives you ingest. You might as well be embalming your bodies while you're still alive. And the _pesticides_. I – don't like pesticides.”

Well. That was a pretty good reason. Insecticide made Noh-Varr extremely ill. And cranky, because he couldn't seem to believe that the height of Kree engineering could be brought to his knees with the contents of an aerosol can.

“Yeah, okay. But what about that fungus-y thing we had a couple weeks ago? Don't tell me you bought _that_ here.”

Noh-Varr shook his head. “No, I get my foreign food from somewhere else. I could take you, if you'd like?”

Tommy hadn't actually cared very much until that moment, when he was struck with the undefinable urge to see what the hell an alien grocery store looked like. “Hell yeah.”

Noh-Varr twisted around to look at him, as if he couldn't believe that Tommy was actually excited to do this. “If you're sure. First – help me find some kale.”

They found the damn kale, and more than a dozen other vegetables, too. And fruit, including a ten pound watermelon that Tommy just refused to believe could be grown without encouragement from growth chemicals. Noh-Varr paid a ridiculous amount of money for the privilege of buying these goods, enough to make Tommy wince, but Noh-Varr didn't seem phased at all. Stupid alien and his stupid ridiculously high paying job.

Tommy was a lawyer, but he was a long way from pulling in the kind of money he'd make at the height of his career, while Noh-Varr paid for their bills and Tommy's student loans with the money he made fixing spaceships. Apparently there just weren’t that many mechanics that were qualified to work with inter-dimensional engines. Stark was always trying to poach Noh-Varr away to SI, too, apparently having gotten over the whole 'sorry I took out your whole team and you banned me from the planet' business when he realized just what Noh-Varr was capable of accomplishing with the alien equivalent of a wrench.

Noh-Varr took great pleasure in continuously turning Stark down.

Once they'd finished their purchases, Noh-Varr started to head to the back of the market, Tommy following behind him curiously. He headed back towards an alley that had a lone figure standing in front of it in head to toe clothing – large baggy pants, hands tucked into pockets, jacket over a red hoodie with a deep hood where Tommy couldn't see their face.

Noh-Varr said something to them in a language Tommy didn't know, and the (probably alien) responded in kind. Then the alien barked out some kind of command, at least, Tommy thought it was a command, and a little orange skinned kid popped out of – well Tommy had no idea where he came from. But the kid grinned, and waved at Tommy, and then took the cart handle from Noh-Varr before heading off in the direction of their place.

“Was that?”

“X'an? Yeah. Ze helps out at the shop sometimes. I think ze likes you.”

Tommy scrubbed the back of his neck self-consciously. “Um. Good? I mean...he – uh, ze, is kind of adorable, in a very _orange_ sort of way.”

“Ha, yeah. C'mon, the market is this way. We're supposed to be keeping things nonchalant.”

“Oh yeah, nothing says nonchalant more than an orange skinned kid and a couple of dudes with white hair,” Tommy grumbled, but he followed Noh-Varr past the still-covered up alien, scowling a little more when Noh-Varr pressed what looked suspiciously like a crumpled up twenty into the alien's hand.

“You have to pay to get in?”

“ _~.nx!y#%_ does good work, keeps the humans and the mutants who don't know us out.”

“Sorry, what did you just say?” Tommy hadn't ever heard Noh-Varr say anything like that. He didn't think his throat could even _produce_ those sounds, and he could speak Skrull and Kree.

“ _~.nx!y#%._ ”Noh-Varr said again, grinning this time.

“Eranxythlnhzka?”

Noh-Varr burst out laughing. “Sorry. Sorry. Your accent is just,” he burst into a fit of what could probably be described as giggling. “Don't ever try to say zir name ever again.”

Tommy scowled. “I'm trying, you know.”

“I know. If it makes you feel better, zir can't speak English, either. Incompatible vocal glands.”

 _Glands_. Tommy wasn't sure he was ever going to get used to the whole alien thing. Sure, he was dating an alien and his brother-in-law was an alien and his best friend was dating a lady alien, but they all spoke English or Spanish and generally looked human most of the time. This was just a little outside Tommy's comfort zone.

Oh hell. He couldn't very well agree with his grandfather and how humans should treat mutants if he wasn't at least going to try to treat aliens the same way, could he? Well, he _could_ but then he'd be a shitty person like his parents had been, and that was the very last thing he wanted to do. So he took a deep breath, and followed Noh-Varr into what really could only be described as an alien open-air market.

On the surface, it wasn't all that different from the market they'd just left; open air stalls, hand written signs with prices, people haggling back and forth over goods that all looked the same to Tommy. But the 'people' were of every color under the rainbow, and had tentacles and wings and fur and teeth and _glands_ and Tommy was fairly sure he was suffering from culture shock. He recognized a few of the things for sale, since he'd eaten them at Noh-Varr's, and he could read a good amount of the signs, because they were written in Kree and Skrull and then a third, varying language that was probably the language of the stall holder. There were mutants there, too, in and amongst the aliens, some looking completely comfortable, others looking as awe-struck as Tommy felt. Noh-Varr took his reaction in stride, though, just chuckling at him and taking his hand.

“I only need to get a few things.”

A few things turned out to be alcohol that could actually get Noh-Varr drunk, a packet of what could possibly be some kind of dried – squid? And a tin of pressed possibly baked goods, and some candy that was so hard Tommy had to suck on it, while Noh-Varr crunched it between his teeth happily. There was also more of the fungus-meat that Noh-Varr seemed obsessed with eating, several other types of alien leaf vegetables and some strangely shaped and colored fruit.

They walked to the edge of the market, and Noh-Varr handed him the bags of their purchases and said, “I need to go into that shop,” he pointed to a worn stone building at the edge of the market, wedged in between two apartment buildings, “and get some parts for a ship I'm working on. I'll be right back out. Don't get into trouble.”

“I'll be fine.” Tommy grumbled. He could take care of himself.

Of course, he got bored about two minutes later, and started wandering around looking at things. He was particularly interested in a curtained stall that Noh-Varr had avoided completely. He ducked inside, where it was filled with a sort of musky fragrance Tommy hadn't smelled before, with a purple skinned alien inside. The counters were filled with vials and ornate wooden boxes that were opened to reveal – well, Tommy wasn't sure what they were. They sort of looked like glass-blown dildos in the sex shop he'd been dragged to with Kate, except they had extra bits on. He glanced up at the sign and bit his lip while he translated the faded Kree markings.

 _Pleasure of the Body, Pleasure of the –_ he couldn't really translate the last word, but he was pretty sure he was in an alien sex shop.

“<Do you speak Kree?>” He asked the attendant carefully.

The alien brightened, and seemed to smile, though it had a few too many curves in it to be a human sort of smile. “<I do. How can I help you, young Earthling? Do you perhaps have a Kree lover?>”

“Ah,<yes, yes I do. He and I – that is, we've only ->” Tommy made a vague gesture with his hands. He didn't really know how to explain.

“<Only had Earth sex?>”

“<Yes.>” Tommy blushed.

The attendant (possibly female?) smiled, and reached behind the counter to pull out a small black box with some kind of ornate symbol carved into it. Tommy didn't recognize it, but then again, he wasn't really expecting to. The attendant held it out to him, and he took it.

“<Do not be alarmed.>” The attendant said.

With that disturbing warning in mind, Tommy opened the box carefully. Inside was a small egg shaped object, made out of a very shiny, silver colored metal. Tommy reached forward with one hand, and touched it gently. The egg – rippled – under his finger. Six small, thin – well, Tommy really couldn't stop thinking of _tentacles_ once he'd thought of it, but they were more like thick pliable wires – rose out from it. He jerked back slightly, and asked,

“<Is it – alive?>”

There was a strange sound, which Tommy eventually worked out was the attendant laughing. “<No, no, it is not alive. Not as you think of the word. It simply reacts to your body heat.>”

“Oh.”

“<Does your Kree have three marks on each side of his spine? They are sometimes between the shoulder blades, and sometimes further down on the hips.>”

Tommy had actually seen the marks, now that he thought about it. They were small, and darker colored than the rest of Noh-Varr's skin. They looked a bit like freckles or moles, but Noh-Varr didn't have any anywhere else, and the texture and color were a bit off.

“<They are down near his hips, yes.>”

A smile again. “<Good, good. If you place this on his lower back, he will like it.>”

That seemed strange. But if Noh-Varr had been so accommodating as to have pretty much any kind of sex Tommy had wanted for the last two years, then there was no reason Tommy couldn't at least try it this way at least once.

“<You are the expert.>” He replied, since Kree was a difficult language and apparently you couldn't just say something like 'okay.'

“<You may also wish to try this,>” the attendant picked up a little glass bottle with perhaps an ounce of faintly glowing pink liquid in it.

“<What is it?>”

“<Hm...I suppose you humans would say,> pheromones. <It is a sexual stimulant for Kree.>”

Well, alright then. “Um. <How much?>”

The attendant considered, and then wrote down a figure on a piece of holo pad and held it out to Tommy. That wasn't a bad price actually. And he'd gotten some cash out today, intending to pick up a new video game, or take he and Noh-Varr out for dinner or something. Sex toys were certainly a good use of his money, especially if Noh-Varr liked them.

He pulled out some bills and handed them over to the attendant, who went into the back to get him change. They probably had to keep a lot of different kinds of currency on hand, if the variety in the marketplace was anything to go by. When they came back out with his change, they also took the bottle and box and wrapped them up for him, putting them in a paper bag with handles on it, and instructed him,

“<It is best to put the scent on in the hollow of your throat. Only a single drop is necessary.>”

“<Thank you.>”

“<Thank _you_ ,>” they said, “<for speaking with me, and for being interested in other ways of pleasure. Not many Earthlings are.>”

Tommy didn't know what to say to that, other than resolve not to forget what Noh-Varr was in the future, and nodded, smiled, and left the shop. Noh-Varr was looking around for him when he stepped outside, but didn't immediately see him, so Tommy was able to approach from a slightly different direction than the sex shop. He wanted it to be a surprise.

“Tommy, where have you been. You didn't go in there did you?”

“Go in where?” Tommy said, not looking at the shop he'd just left and hoping Noh-Varr wouldn't notice the new bag among the purchases Tommy was already carrying. He didn't seem to.

Noh-Varr gave the shop a glance over Tommy's shoulder, and then shrugged. “Never mind. Let's go.”

Tommy followed behind him, wondering when he was going to be able to get up the nerve to try out his new toys.

xxx

It turned out that he ended up trying them on a day when nothing was going right. He'd had a terrible prep session for his current lawsuit against the facility that had 'handled' his juvenile detention, with a full medical exam and doctors poking and prodding him and asking questions about scars and procedures that Tommy just wanted to forget. He hadn't seen Noh-Varr in a few days, because their schedules had been so completely at odds with each other, and Billy had canceled on him for their bi-weekly lunch meeting. It had sounded like his brother had an entirely reasonable excuse, waking up to find his magic completely out of control and not having any idea why but having to go get it under control as soon as possible; but it still left Tommy feeling lonely and unwanted.

He found himself on the large bed he shared with Noh-Varr, the bottle of scent and box of alien dildo in front of him. He kept poking the egg, watching the slim wires rise and wiggle about, and then settling again when they didn't find whatever they were looking for. He was lonely. He wanted Noh-Varr. Instead, he opened the bottle of scent very carefully, and found that it had a seal on it that allowed him to tip the bottle over onto his finger, and a single drop came out. He put the bottle on the nightstand, and pressed the drop of still-glowing scent between his collarbones, as instructed. It smelled – pleasant. He couldn't really define what it smelled like. It was a little bit like Noh-Varr and a little bit floral, but mostly it just smelled nice.

He put the cap back on the bottle and laid back on the bed, wondering if the scent was going to do anything weird. It didn't seem to. It just sort of blended in with his natural scent, absorbing into the skin. Tommy didn't wear human scent products very often, but the principle was the same. Meshing of the scent and the natural body odor was apparently important in human scents, and while Tommy wasn't sure the same was true for alien pheromones, it seemed plausible.

For a while, he just laid there, trying not to think about anything except how nice their new bedsheets and comforter felt against his skin, and not about scalpels or nameless doctors, or judging eyes against his scars. Then the door opened, and Tommy sat up, not quite feeling the motivation to get up, but also wanted to see his boyfriend.

Noh-Varr had a routine when he got home. First he would lock the door, toe off his shoes, and make a pot of a foul smelling beverage that definitely wasn't coffee but that he drank three times a day. Then he'd put his things away while it brewed, and take a quick shower. After that he'd wander around in his underwear, drinking his not-coffee and watching television or reading articles on his tablet.

Today, Noh-Varr did none of those things. He came into the bedroom with his shoes still on, still in his work clothes, and with a stripe of engine grease across his face. He looked intent, and he looked _horny_.

“Tommy, what is that smell?”

“Huh?” Tommy had honestly forgotten for a moment.

Noh-Varr kicked his shoes off, and tugged off his filthy shirt and jeans, and then he climbed up onto the bed and buried himself in Tommy's collarbones. “You smell _so good_.”

“Oh. Really?” Was all he could think to say, even though _duh_ , that was the entire point.

“ _Nnnngh_ , yes. What did you? Where did you?” Clearly English was starting to fail Noh-Varr at this point.

“Well, remember that shop that you asked me if I went into and I pretended I didn't know what you were talking about? Yeah. I went in there.”

Noh-Varr was practically humping his leg at this point. “Were – supposed – to – not trouble. Ungh.”

“Ungh isn't an English word, Noh-Varr. You know, I'm not sure it's a Kree word, either. Could you elaborate?” Tommy said playfully. He'd had a shitty day. He was going to give Noh-Varr a hard time.

“Mmmmmm.”

“I take it you like it then.”

“So much.”

“Well...do you mind if we try this out then?” Tommy wriggled across the bed until he could reach the carved box, and pulled it over so Noh-Varr could see it.

Honestly, he was a bit worried that Noh-Varr was going to be offended, since they hadn't really talked about the alien sex business. Of course, Tommy hadn't really known there was anything to talk about until very recently, so he hoped it would be okay.

“Tommy – you – _oh._ ” Was what Noh-Varr said.

“Uh, so the attendant said to just put it on your lower back? That seems kind of ambiguous to me but -”

“No. Yes. Ugh. Just -” Noh-Varr gave up and switched to Kree. “<No, I don't mind, yes, do it. Please.> Tommy.”

“Yeah, okay. This is a little weird though. Just sayin'.”

And then he put the toy on Noh-Varr's back, and he forgot all about how uncomfortable he was as he watched the scene enfold before him.

He rested the little egg on Noh-Varr's back, where it rippled excitedly. Noh-Varr shivered, and pushed against Tommy, making this keening, vibrating whine Tommy hadn't ever heard him make before. As they had done when Tommy touched it, the six wires came out of the egg, but instead of disappearing again, they latched onto Noh-Varr's skin, each one headed for a strange colored spot on Noh-Varr's back. Noh-Varr moaned. He was hard and leaking against Tommy's leg, and Tommy hadn't even really touched him.

Tommy startled a bit when the wires – tentacles, he definitely couldn't stop thinking of them as tentacles – went _into_ those spots. Tommy knew they were sensitive; he'd touched them while he and Noh-Varr were having sex, and Noh-Varr always made pleased noises, but he hadn't known that they opened up. Noh-Varr was writhing now, swearing in half a dozen languages that Tommy didn't know, his fingers gripping Tommy's shoulders to the point of pain.

The tentacles went in and in and _in_ and Tommy wondered just what was actually going on, inside Noh-Varr's body, and what this was meant to simulate. Like, did Kree actually have sex like this? Because he hadn't seen anything on Noh-Varr that looked like it would produce anything compatible with that kind of insertion. Or was it like how humans had made a ton of different sex toys to explore their every opening, and Kree had done the same? These were his thoughts while Noh-Varr made noises of pleasure on top of him, some of which his mouth was open for but Tommy couldn't actually hear. It was hot, in a way, because Noh-Varr was getting that much out of something that Tommy bought him, but at the same time it was such an alien experience that Tommy also wasn't feeling desperately horny and unable to concentrate.

“You like that babe?”

Noh-Varr whimpered.

Tommy grinned, and stroked his hair.

The tentacles had apparently gone in as far as they would go. The egg was now just a small, quarter sized sphere in the middle of Noh-Varr's back, stretching out to each of the six spots. The sphere stilled, like it was waiting for something.

“Uh...”

“<Touch it.>”

“Oh right. It reacts to body heat. Wait. But then why? Oh whatever.” Tommy wiggled around under Noh-Varr again – damn him for being so large anyway – and poked the little sphere.

It _rippled_ again, curled against his finger for a moment, and then started wiggling, shook violently, and then stilled, while the violent shivers traveled down into the tentacles as vibrations that disappeared into Noh-Varr's body.

That was apparently a good thing, because Noh-Varr straight out _screamed_ , and came all over Tommy's pants. Noh-Varr panted against Tommy's neck, but the tentacles didn't retract, instead staying buried inside Noh-Varr. Tommy wondered – he touched the sphere again, and again the whole thing vibrated. The _noises_ Noh-Varr made.

Tommy liked it.

“Hey, if I keep doing this, do you think I can make you come again?”

Noh-Varr just groaned.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are always welcome!! :3


End file.
